Moron Reality: Reality for All !
Reality TV Report by Jason Beymer The recent influx of bad reality TV makes this moron a happy boy. Yes, VH1 still owns me with its dating shows, B-list celebrities, and internet porn stars, but TruTV is quietly monopolizing my DVR. I’ve compiled a list of new favorites. This could change any moment; I’m fickle […]
It’s the General Lee, baby.
The General LEE. When I first heard that the General Lee was going up for auction, I felt a wave of nostalgia. Memories from my youth came rushing back: jumping through the car window, playing with my matchbox cars, opening my Dukes of Hazzard lunch box at school and finding a warm, smelly mayonnaise and […]
Special Places in Hell Welcome to Drunken Thoughts – the column that delves into current events as perceived by an alcoholic, opinionated, and absolutely unqualified jerk. You know the old saying: "If opinions are like assholes, then drunken thoughts are like wet penises." I have no idea what that means, but if it gets you […]
Reviews and Highlights from "Armed and Famous", "Surreal Life Fame Games" and "I Love New York." TV networks are forever searching for the perfect reality show formula. Last week, three new programs debuted. And once again, the networks rolled the dice and prayed for ratings. Since I’m a reality TV whore, they didn’t need to […]
Cops: Important Life Lessons
You can learn a lot from an episode of Cops. I’ve learned that when the police knock on my front door, I’d better be properly dressed. That means jeans, boxers and…well, that’s it. Got a beer gut and a bunch of cool tats? Then by all means, don’t cover up with a t-shirt. Feeling festive? […]
Exploiting Logic Deprivation
Survivor and the Amazing Race Recaps Step right up. Grab yourself a plate of cow lips and a soda. Here’s your chance to get up-to-date on Survivor and the Amazing Race. Crazy Asian Guy will finally reveal the answers to all those nagging questions: Who is Tango Roa? Why is the shaman lady handing out […]
No, YOU shut up
The Survivor and Amazing Race Recaps On Survivor, the racial experiment ended after only two episodes – but not the way I expected. Instead of the sand running crimson with the blood of the tribes, they were simply told to end the segregation. Very disappointing. Those that survived the brutal race war were split into […]
Survivor: Race War Island and The Amazing Race 10 – Week One
Welcome to Survivor: Cook Island. Twenty people, selected solely for their exploitability, will compete for one million dollars and the chance to set their race back to the 1950s. Watch in the comfort of your racially isolated living room and learn how minorities interact with one another in real-life situations – you know, like being […]
Who Wants to be a Superhero?
Contestants are given challenges – tests of strength, mental puzzles, socializing with the opposite sex, and trying to keep their Dork Levels in check. The winner receives a role in a Stan Lee movie and comic book. Auditions were held in a warehouse. Hundreds of folks itching to become the next great superhero piled inside […]
Mop Head, where’s my duck?
Hell’s Kitchen Review Best reality show ever. I practically wet myself when I heard that Fox okayed a second season. If you aren’t familiar with Hell’s Kitchen, here’s a quick summary: The Casting Director signs a bunch of losers with low self-esteem to cook food for a sadomasochistic chef with a hard-on for losers with […]